For months, we’ve noticed something different about E. Most day, she’s still our loving, happy-go-lucky, inquisitive, funny 4-year-old. Then there are the other days. She’s moody, sulky, slams doors in our faces and even ROLLS HER EYES at me (paging Christian Grey).
There’s only way to describe her behavior — she’s acting like a tween.
In the grand tradition of Brangelina, Bennifer and TomKat, we realized there was truly only one way to describe this new joining of personalities. She’s a Twoddler.
She’s even nailed what she likes to call “the pose.”
Sadly, I have entirely too many pictures like this from the past few months. I heard through the grapevine that this is something all the girls started doing at preschool.
And so it begins.
This week, though, DadJovi was the one who had the suffer the full force of the Twoddler. And I think she was doing it to punish me, which clearly makes perfect sense.
On Wednesday night, I met up with these lovely ladies at our monthly Central Florida Lady Bloggers meetup.
Thanks for the picture, Kiran! To see a full list of these social media rock stars, including their blog and Twitter links, click here. And if you’re in Central Florida, like our Facebook page and come join us for another event!
Anyway, that meant DadJovi put E. to bed that night (but of course, she waited up for me and threw open her bedroom door to yell for me as soon as she heard my key in the front door at 9:30) and then on Thursday morning, I had to leave the house before she woke up because I’m super important and was a featured media member (for my day job) at the Central Florida Media Roundtable. Remember how last year I sat alone at a table by myself, waiting for PR professionals to swarm, only to sit there all by lonesome? Yeah, that totally didn’t happen again at all (seriously, when is someone going to invent a sarcasm font?).
As I was pretending that I don’t mind being stood up by PR people, DadJovi was having a standoff of his own.
Shortly after I left, he went into E’s room to wake her up (again, like a tween, she is impossible to wake up on a school morning. It takes a lot of cajoling and prodding). He laid down beside her in bed, trying to do the nice approach of waking her up sweetly. After a couple minutes, she popped up and said “Where’s Mommy?”
And before he could answer, she jumped out of bed and ran from her room to ours … and locked herself in.
At first, he said it was funny. He kept knocking on the door and she kept shouting “I WANT TO BE ALONE.” Finally, he went hunting for the keys to unlock our door but couldn’t find them (you know, it’s hard to remember to check the key hook). Eventually, she unlocked the door, walked right to a small chair, picked it up and stormed into her room, using the chair to prop the door closed because she doesn’t have a lock on her door.
Who is this child? I thought we had years before the slamming doors and locking one’s self in bedrooms began. Guess I was wrong.
At this point, he put a cartoon on in the living room TV to try and lure her out and he went and got into the shower. When he came out, he says she was mysteriously in a better mood and ready to get dressed for school. He wasn’t going to push his luck with breakfast, so he suggested they go to Starbucks on the way to school for breakfast.
I”ll let E. pick up the story here.
Translation: when they arrived at Starbucks, DadJovi ordered his coffee and E. started drinking a chocolate milk (tsk, tsk). But as they were trying to pay, the registers stopped working and they couldn’t get them restarted. He tried just giving them cash for food but they wouldn’t sell any food until the registers were back up and running but gave them the beverages for free.
Well, at least he had that one brief shining moment of glory.
They left Starbucks to find another place for breakfast. They started walking down the street toward a French bakery (the one where he bought our Breakfast at Wimbledon treats), and as they were trying to cross the street in a crosswalk, a car started turning right into them and nearly hit them both. It made DadJovi spill coffee all over his work clothes and it turned out it was a mom dropping her kid off at a preschool. Nice job, mom.
They finally made it (alive) to the French bakery, and E. only wanted one thing, an eclair (the “chocolate with chocolate inside” treat she described in the video). DadJovi told her no, that’s too much sugar for breakfast. He told me it was pretty much the world’s largest eclair. He said she could have a croissant or a strawberry tart.
Clearly that wasn’t going to fly. The toddler reared its ugly tantruming head. What E. so sweetly described as “whining” in the video, DadJovi describes as a full-fledged meltdown. So he took her outside and she pitched a good old-fashioned crying fit on the sidewalk, which, of course, at least a couple people we already know about (including one of her teachers) witnessed as they drove by.
After he said she could just go to school without eating, she calmed down and she reluctantly agreed to get a croissant. Poor, deprived baby having to settle for a croissant for breakfast. </sarcasmfont>
Eventually, they made up and he was able to drop her off at school — a full 35 minutes later than we normally drop her off.
I really wish I could share her full re-telling of this story but sadly, she couldn’t stop pulling her skirt up and flashing her underwear during the taping of it.
And so it continues.
Only 14 more years to go.
Give it to me straight — what’s one of the worst tween/teen stunts you remember pulling on your parents? I need to start preparing myself for the worst-case scenarios. And please tell me I’m not the only one raising a Twoddler.
Paula @ Eat: Watch: Run says
This story is exactly why I can’t have kids. Props to Dadjovi for his patience. Perhaps one day if we could keep kids in cages with food pellets, a water bottle, and a cardboard box to play in, I will reconsider.
I think I was a fairly well-behaved kid because my mom knew exactly what to take away from me if I didn’t do what she said. And she stuck to her word too. If I didn’t take out the garbage when she asked, I didn’t get to go to a movie that weekend. Even if I did it right away when she asked a second time, I still couldn’t go cuz I didn’t listen to her the first time. So I think that kept me on the ole straight and narrow. However, I did spray paint our apartment complex walls once. That didn’t make her so happy.
What, Bunnypants doesn’t roll her eyes at you? I bet she does and you just can’t tell. In fact, I’m pretty convinced you have a Twunny. That girl has attitude.
Um, spray painting the walls? Oh Lordy. I had no idea you were a tagger.
I think it’s time I take a cue from your mom, though, and start getting real about my thus far empty threats.
I’m so happy right now that my kid isn’t using sentences yet and I just get the eye rolling haha
Just wait. You’re screwed. If she’s rolling her eyes already, you’re definitely in for a world of pain. The eye rolling just started here. I’m pretty sure I’m less than 2 months from being banned in singing in my own car and being told I embarrass her. It’s a good thing I wanted a girl and am still glad that’s what I got. Cuz this shit is hard already!
Kashi @ Cape Island Runners says
Well, if it makes you feel any better, the stories are very entertaining for us non-moms out here! And not in a “omg, thank god that is not me” kind of way, but more “god bless, ’em, thank goodness someone is raising the next generation!”. i am sure this is just the beginning – my friend has a daughter a similar age and her posts on FB of her kids’ antics just crack me up! I was a pretty good kid (typical first born) but my little sis gave the parents a run for their money – almost burned the house down (black char remains on the house to this day), broke a sliding glass door during a party she threw while they were away, coming home drunk in high school… and that was the teen yrs! As a kid, she would just not eat and was so, so stubborn. My parents often joke that if she were the first born, they would have stopped there! haha…. but they can joke because she turned out to be the sweetest adult, we are all just in love with her. Actually, even through all her antics, she was pretty darn cute, which is maybe why my parents did not lose their minds! She and I somehow managed to avoid sib rivalry and she is my very bestest friend. There is no one better than she…so hang in there, in a short 15 yrs, E will be a gem! lol, actually it seems like she already is 🙂
Kashi @ Cape Island Runners says
Oh, one other question… I am new to blogging… how do you figure out how to meet other local bloggers and have meet-ups?
I wish there was a quick answer. Our group has sort of formed organically, starting with just a couple people and made bigger by events like Central Florida Blogging Conference. I would search Facebook for blogging groups in your area; search Twitter for local bloggers and sort of form online friendships, that will likely lead to meet-ups. There may be a group already organized and it’s simply a matter of looking for them. I started by just finding things locally, and bloggers tend to be the ones who write about local events. Our newspaper also hosted some of the earliest Tweetups, so events like that usually draw other bloggers, too. It probably won’t happen overnight but once you start looking, you may be surprised at how many other bloggers you find in your area. Good luck!
Kashi @ Cape Island Runners says
Thanks so much for the tips!
Spencer Koch says
I’m sending this article to my wife, because she thinks we’re doing something wrong with our four year old.
When my son was at his absolute worst (think 3 year old crawling under his dining room chair and screaming he wouldn’t eat vegetables…ever!) I grabbed the video camera. While this didn’t help his mood any, it did mine. And he knows I’ll always have it for blackmail now. 😉
Yeah, I was glad I had her tell the story to my camera and it was a good reminder that I need to start taping her doing “normal” things, not just the recitals. I know it’s such a short window so I try to keep chanting that to myself over and over (and over) again. You’re right, I already know I’ll be so happy to capture these memories on video!
Heather @ Housewife Glamour says
Aw, I love how you had E tell her own version of the story. She was “whining”… lol. According to my mother, I was an awful (meaning likely to scream, cry and throw fits) toddler and pre-schooler, then finally started to act like a behaved child from age 6 on. Maybe E will grow out of the Twoddler phase. Until then, all you can do is what you’re doing now, and then write about it to entertain us. 😉
Great seeing you the other night!
I hear 6 is a magic age, so thank you for confirming that. Although, 4 is pretty spectacular too … most of the time. But I suppose every child is entitled to a Twoddler moment here and there. I mean, it is awfully hard to figure this crazy world out and their place in it.
And you’re right, the fact that it just happens to make good blogging material never hurts either!
Great seeing you the other night, too, and hope to see you soon!
Victoria @ Running Peanut says
OMG, do boys do this too? Am I screwed either way?
The pose is just too much – and she knew to put a chair up to block the entrance to her room? That’s impressively clever, even if it is awful behavior.
Yes, the bored I’m-too-cool-for-you-Mom post is way, way too much. And her cleverness does do more harm than good at times. But during the times she uses her brain for good rather than evil, it’s rather impressive.
I don’t know if boys do this too but all children, no matter their age or gender, are just going to have their “moments.” Thankfully, they tend to be the exception rather than the rule. Oh sure, there are terrible phases that can last days, weeks or months (and feel like years) but usually they snap out of it. It’s like baby PMS.
And when it gets really bad, just look at the blogging fodder you get out of it!
But I sincerely mean this, even at her “worst,” it’s still more fun than you can even imagine. And wine helps.