I’m becoming a broken record. It’s been another few days spent crying more than smiling. How to put into words what we’re all feeling together? I was just starting to come out of the haze of my cousin’s death. Instead of always crying when I thought of her, I even found myself smiling at certain memories.
And then the unthinkable happened in Connecticut on Friday morning.
I have nothing to add to the beautiful, thoughtful and pain-filled posts I, too, have been reading all weekend. There are no words. I know that being a mother of a child not much younger than these babies makes it gut-achingly painful to imagine but I think any human being is feeling the same pain. You don’t have to be a parent to hurt over this.
But what I did have to do, which parents of young children didn’t quite have to do yet, is start to move on. I hid my tears. I shielded my still innocent 4-year-old from the sometimes awfulness of this world and tried to find some magic, as seen through her eyes.
It started with Rachel’s death and this has just continued the pattern. I’m sure I’m creating a monster but I can’t seem to stop myself from spoiling my child with constant hugs, kisses, declaration of love, and most of all, the full focus on my time. The blog has been silent because I’ve been focused on one thing — my family.
And this weekend, we much a whole batch of sweet new memories. On Friday, DadJovi had a one-day business trip to Ohio. He was out of the house by 5 a.m. and not back until very late that night. After ballet Friday evening, I just looked at my daughter and decided it was a night that called for a special treat. So we headed off to IHOP and shared a giant gingerbread hot chocolate and ate holiday pancakes.
On Saturday, we gladly accepted the invitation of our friends at Titanic: The Experience to come by and check out their great exhibit again and, even better, to have a one-of-kind photo taken with Santa at the foot of the stairs of the Grand Staircase.
Love doesn’t begin to describe how my girl feels about Santa. She would not stop snuggling with him, petting his fur and even playing with his beard. Thankfully he was a very kind and accommodating Santa.
Then, DadJovi’s Christmas wish came true when we got to pose with Titanic’s Capt. Smith (well, at least him reincarnated as an actor).
For the past month, we’ve all been running in different directions. The three of us haven’t had much time together, just the three of us, and with the holidays and family coming (which we’re so excited about, for the record), we just really needed a day to spend together. No computers. No phones (well, not very much anyway). Just us.
I think you can guess where that took us.
We shared secrets with old friends.
We posed for iconic shots (that sadly looked grainy since the flash was off. Oops).
We were stunned by the shimmering lights.
And together, we discovered a new favorite — the Celebrate the Magic projection show on Cinderella’s Castle. I’ve been wanting to get out to see this since it started in the fall, but I was not prepared for how blown away we’d be. It was, in a word, magical.
We watched Ralph wreck the castle and Felix fix it.
E. squealed in delight as Cinderella’s castle was transformed into a Scottish castle and Merida rode her horse across the castle.
And then, our Christmas spirit soared for the finale, featuring a gift-wrapped castle, a candy cane castle, and finally, a gingerbread castle.
It was, perhaps, the most thrilling 15 minutes we’ve ever spent at Disney.
And when we finally made our way onto the (very crowded) parking lot tran at 11 p.m., we were tired. Happy but tired.
And we were so thankful to have the opportunity to have another precious day to make new memories as a family.
I don’t think we’ve ever taken for granted how lucky we are, but after the past couple weeks, we’re holding on tighter than ever to that feeling of gratitude.