I don’t know about you, but I love when other bloggers (particularly this girl) post all the wacky search terms that brought people to their sites. I’ve done it from time to time here, too, and lately there have been some doozeys. So, just for kicks, I thought I’d share the fun with you.
As an added bonus, I’m including some of my favorite recent spam comments. Spam is a funny thing. On one hand, it’s usually so praise-worthy that your ego temporarily gets inflated and you start to think, “Wow, maybe I really am connecting with people. Maybe they do like me. They really like me.” And perhaps I imagine myself as Sally Field in this moment, too, but that’s neither here nor there.
But then you start to dig a little deeper. And although the praise is wonderful, you start to notice some things are just not quite right. There’s usually a misspelled word (or 10). And the email addresses tend to look something like email@example.com. But what if Zerg just values his privacy and doesn’t trust Google, Yahoo or Hotmail? We may never know.
What I do know is that some freaky people somehow find their way to my little corner of the Interwebz. So, without further ado, let me introduce you to the people in my blog neighborhood.
I had no idea that Shiloh Jolie-Pitt was famous for her moisturized hair. Good to know. And it’s always good to get confirmation that freedom of speech takes second place to out-of-control hair. Couldn’t have said it better myself. If only I knew what “cileray” means. I hope Jessica comes back someday to tell me.
I was intrigued by this one. First of all, who is this mysterious videographer Steve Jovi? And this story seems both sweet with a touch of scandal (sorry, shock) thrown in. If only we knew more about the story …
Oh, so Steve was videotaping the birth of his children. Well, hell, yeah, Nhoj was right — he better have been giving Evelyne encouragement. But as us bloggers know — sometimes nothing can stand in your way of capturing the perfect shot. I’m sure she had nurses and doctors to help her. But I’m noticing a discrepency — did Evelyne give birth to one son or three?!?! This is the best story since I’ve read “50 Shades” (and that’s called foreshadowing, my friends). Maybe I should check to see if the story continues.
Finally, some good details. Not only do we get the kid’s name (and settle the number of babies mystery) but we also learned that Evelyn is apparently a saint since she didn’t punch him in the face. Totally worth not having a labor partner in order to get the perfect pictures. Totes.
And finally, my favorite of my new blog friends.
I’m going to forgive the two poor attempts at “certainly” (the “you’re” instead of “your” is unforgivable, though. Some standards must be upheld) because I don’t believe I’ve ever been told that I was savored. And savory reminds me of bacon and bacon makes me happy. So that makes Emily by new BFF.
Now that you know some of the people hanging out on my site, perhaps you’re wondering how on Earth they found their way here. Time to crack open the Search Term archives.
I’ve met a lot of new bloggers recently, and if I could offer only one piece of advice for those looking to boost their traffic, I have one word for you: Hitler.
OK, fine, more specifically a book about pre-World War II Germany called “In the Garden of Beasts.” I wrote a review of this book for Michelle’s first virtual book club, and she and I both laugh all the time because even more than a year after I wrote it, it’s still near the top of both of our search term lists EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Who knew she and I would become known as the thought leaders on pre-war U.S.-German relations. That honor is totally earned and justified.
Speaking of books, I apparently hit a nerve with my review of “50 Shades of Grey” called “50 Ways to Roll My Eyes.” My friends, you are more than welcome to come roll your eyes over this inexplicable smash hit with me any day.
Speaking of cheesy sex, I’ve apparently accidentally discovered a new subset of Mommy Porn — the bulge. How else to explain these searches?
Here’s another I’ve learned — Renner fans are some crazy bitches. This is just one page (of many) of searches that brought
my enemies Renner fans to my site as they try to learn everything about J Ren.
Dude, people, lay off him. He’s not THAT short. And to all of my Googling friends, here’s the one and only thing you need to know about him — he’s mine. All mine. I blog-called him first. So back the eff off.
Like any good party, this is where things get weird. I present, without comment, the following two search terms that somehow brought people to my sweet, innocent blog.
Yup, these are my readers.
If you have a blog, what’s one of the most memorable spam comments or search terms you’ve found on your site? And if you’re not a blogger, did you wind up here thanks to a random search? I hope you found what you were looking for. Also, what the hell is wrong with people?
Kerry Ann @Vinobaby's Voice says
Tampons and male bulges — you’ve hit the big time now 😉
Caroline Calcote says
I get tons of traffic from people searching for “Archie Bunker’s Chair” since I have a photo and mentioned seeing it at the Smithsonian once. I also get tons of hits from “Big Head Tiny Body…you can’t unsee it” and the image of Colonel Sanders and his string tie. Maybe my proudest achievement is getting lots of traffic by people searching some version of “fat yoga pants”. I’m so cool.
I made the mistake of posting a picture of my horrible feet (in regards to my terrible running tan lines) and now I get a lot of google image searches for feet. The key words, feet, ugly, sweaty come up a lot. So strange!
Victoria @ Running Peanut says
I get “Granny Porn” searches all. the. time.