Welcome to the List, Jeremy Renner

by MomJovi on May 1, 2012

On Monday, DadJovi and I went to an advanced screening of “Marvel’s: The Avengers.” It was even more fun because Michelle and her husband were there, too!

Once we got past the super tight security (being forced to check in our phones at the doors and getting wanded by security — no, I’m not kidding), we were ushered to our super important Media Seats.

Oh yeah, we’re big time.

I went into the movie with zero expectations. But I knew DadJovi loves big summer blockbuster action movies, so I thought it’d be a fun one to go to.

Man, I had no idea. It was AWESOME.

Marvel's: The Avengers

Now, a caveat — I’m not into comic books or superheroes (although I totally rocked some Wonder Woman Underoos as a kid). I saw the first “Iron Man” and enjoyed it and I think I saw the first Hulk (with Eric Bana). But other than what “The Big Bang Theory” guys teach me about comic books, my information is pretty shallow.

It didn’t matter. From start to finish, I thought the movie was so much fun. It’s hilarious. It’s action-packed. It’s just really fun to watch.

Granted, I must have leaned over to Michelle about 30 times to ask her things, not that she knew that much either but she at least could answer any celebrity-related question I had. She’d done her research there and she’s a big Joss Whedon fangirl.

But the movie had one huge selling point — the eye candy. Robert Downey Jr.! Swoon. Chris Hemsworth! Double swoon. Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Samuel L. Jackson — love, love, LOVE! Even one of my girl crushes Scarlett Johansson is in it and is very kick-ass as Black Widow.

Above all Avengers, though, one teeny tiny hunk captured my attention most.

Jeremy Renner: Avengers

Jeremy Renner, welcome to my Top 5. You first caught my eye with your tortured war-time soldier in “The Hurt Locker.” Then, you surprised me with your angry, scary performance in “The Town.” You stole the show in “Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol” (and made Tom Cruise look even more ridiculous). But as Hawkeye in “Marvel’s: The Avengers” you shot your cupid’s arrow right into my heart.

Michelle thinks he’s too short but I just think she’s too tall (sorry, but she dissed my man so I had to strike back). His bio claims he’s 5′, 10″, and that’s good enough for me.

Jeremy, I’d like to introduce you to your fellow listmates, presented in no particular order.

True Blood

Jason, Eric, Jason, Eric ... ah, such tough choices

OK, I’m going to cheat here and count “True Blood’s” Ryan Kwanten (by the way, I had no idea that was his name) and Alexander Skarsgard as one. But I really can never decide anyway. In a pinch (you know, that likely scenario where I simply MUST choose between them), I’d go with Alex. Plus, I just saw that he’s supposedly the frontrunner to be cast as Christian Grey in the movie version of “50 Shades of Grey.” I just started reading the book today, so I will gladly picture him as the pervy Christian. Thank you celebrity gossip!

George Clooney

I know George Clooney is sort of a cliched pick, but c’mon. He’s saving the world, one conflict at a time. He acts. He writes. He directs. He plays practical jokes on the too uptight Brad Pitt. He owns a freaking villa on an Italian lake. And he wears a tux like no other man in Hollywood. George, you have a permanent place on my list, even if you do go through girlfriends faster than I quit diets.

Robert Pattison

I just can’t quit Robert Pattinson. I start to think that perhaps I might be over him, and then he goes and looks adorable in “Water for Elephants.” Then, I think, “OK, this time, I’ve really moved on.” And then this trailer is released and it’s on.

And how awesome is this picture? It’s so absurd it’s good. What was the vision of the photographer? “Rob, be a dear and get into a shower. I want you to keep your clothes on but unbutton your shirt all the way and pull your pants down so that we can see your pubic bone. Then, look at me like you want to murder me. PERFECT.”

Perfect indeed.

Bon Jovi Versace

Jon Bon Jovi. Enough said. And let us not forget that this man and his rock-hard body is 50 years old. Who needs superheroes when we have Superman? (Thanks to Caroline for first tagging me in this photo on Facebook. My life was incomplete without seeing it).

Honorable mentions for historical hotness:

Han Solo, Princess Leia

Thanks to E. and DadJovi’s love of all things “Star Wars,” my love for Harrison Ford has been reignited over the past year. He was always one of my favorites but then when he started wearing that unfortunate earring and shacking up with Ally McBeal, he sort of lost some of his luster for me. But watching the first three “Stars Wars” (or, excuse me, final three) movies, I’ve fallen for Captain Han Solo all over again. Mostly it’s his rakish (oh yeah, I’m pulling out the old-fashioned words for my old-fashioned lover) attitude. And his “I know” to Princess Leia’s “I love you” in “Empire Strikes Back” is one of the greatest movie scenes ever. I also wouldn’t object if he’d put on his Indiana Jones hat from time to time.

Captain Von Trapp

It’s no coincidence that my ring tone on my very first cell phone, way back in 1999, was “Edelweiss.” The first time I saw Captain Von Trapp strumming that guitar and singing his lovely ode to a pretty white flower I was hooked. Few men could do what Christopher Plummer did in “Sound of Music” — look terrifying tough one moment and soft, warm and fuzzy the next. And those eyes. Oh those eyes.

In fact, Christopher still has it. When he (finally!) won his Academy Award this year, I shocked the girls at Carolina’s Oscar party by declaring that he was still hot. Somehow, they didn’t see it. How can they not think an 80-something year old is still list-worthy? Ageists.

There you have it — many more details than you ever wanted about my fantasy men. It’s a constantly evolving list and sadly for my husband, who will probably be really annoyed by this point in the post (hi honey!), it’s not a comprehensive list of my favorite celebrity crushes.

I don’t know how Ross ever committed to the laminated card of his Top 5 on “Friends.” Way too much pressure!

Help me change my mind. Who would be on your Top 5? And which Avenger is your favorite?

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