Welcome to the List, Jeremy Renner

On Monday, DadJovi and I went to an advanced screening of “Marvel’s: The Avengers.” It was even more fun because Michelle and her husband were there, too!

Once we got past the super tight security (being forced to check in our phones at the doors and getting wanded by security — no, I’m not kidding), we were ushered to our super important Media Seats.

Oh yeah, we’re big time.

I went into the movie with zero expectations. But I knew DadJovi loves big summer blockbuster action movies, so I thought it’d be a fun one to go to.

Man, I had no idea. It was AWESOME.

Marvel's: The Avengers

Now, a caveat — I’m not into comic books or superheroes (although I totally rocked some Wonder Woman Underoos as a kid). I saw the first “Iron Man” and enjoyed it and I think I saw the first Hulk (with Eric Bana). But other than what “The Big Bang Theory” guys teach me about comic books, my information is pretty shallow.

It didn’t matter. From start to finish, I thought the movie was so much fun. It’s hilarious. It’s action-packed. It’s just really fun to watch.

Granted, I must have leaned over to Michelle about 30 times to ask her things, not that she knew that much either but she at least could answer any celebrity-related question I had. She’d done her research there and she’s a big Joss Whedon fangirl.

But the movie had one huge selling point — the eye candy. Robert Downey Jr.! Swoon. Chris Hemsworth! Double swoon. Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Samuel L. Jackson — love, love, LOVE! Even one of my girl crushes Scarlett Johansson is in it and is very kick-ass as Black Widow.

Above all Avengers, though, one teeny tiny hunk captured my attention most.

Jeremy Renner: Avengers

Jeremy Renner, welcome to my Top 5. You first caught my eye with your tortured war-time soldier in “The Hurt Locker.” Then, you surprised me with your angry, scary performance in “The Town.” You stole the show in “Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol” (and made Tom Cruise look even more ridiculous). But as Hawkeye in “Marvel’s: The Avengers” you shot your cupid’s arrow right into my heart.

Michelle thinks he’s too short but I just think she’s too tall (sorry, but she dissed my man so I had to strike back). His bio claims he’s 5′, 10″, and that’s good enough for me.

Jeremy, I’d like to introduce you to your fellow listmates, presented in no particular order.

True Blood
Jason, Eric, Jason, Eric ... ah, such tough choices

OK, I’m going to cheat here and count “True Blood’s” Ryan Kwanten (by the way, I had no idea that was his name) and Alexander Skarsgard as one. But I really can never decide anyway. In a pinch (you know, that likely scenario where I simply MUST choose between them), I’d go with Alex. Plus, I just saw that he’s supposedly the frontrunner to be cast as Christian Grey in the movie version of “50 Shades of Grey.” I just started reading the book today, so I will gladly picture him as the pervy Christian. Thank you celebrity gossip!

George Clooney

I know George Clooney is sort of a cliched pick, but c’mon. He’s saving the world, one conflict at a time. He acts. He writes. He directs. He plays practical jokes on the too uptight Brad Pitt. He owns a freaking villa on an Italian lake. And he wears a tux like no other man in Hollywood. George, you have a permanent place on my list, even if you do go through girlfriends faster than I quit diets.

Robert Pattison

I just can’t quit Robert Pattinson. I start to think that perhaps I might be over him, and then he goes and looks adorable in “Water for Elephants.” Then, I think, “OK, this time, I’ve really moved on.” And then this trailer is released and it’s on.

And how awesome is this picture? It’s so absurd it’s good. What was the vision of the photographer? “Rob, be a dear and get into a shower. I want you to keep your clothes on but unbutton your shirt all the way and pull your pants down so that we can see your pubic bone. Then, look at me like you want to murder me. PERFECT.”

Perfect indeed.

Bon Jovi Versace

Jon Bon Jovi. Enough said. And let us not forget that this man and his rock-hard body is 50 years old. Who needs superheroes when we have Superman? (Thanks to Caroline for first tagging me in this photo on Facebook. My life was incomplete without seeing it).

Honorable mentions for historical hotness:

Han Solo, Princess Leia

Thanks to E. and DadJovi’s love of all things “Star Wars,” my love for Harrison Ford has been reignited over the past year. He was always one of my favorites but then when he started wearing that unfortunate earring and shacking up with Ally McBeal, he sort of lost some of his luster for me. But watching the first three “Stars Wars” (or, excuse me, final three) movies, I’ve fallen for Captain Han Solo all over again. Mostly it’s his rakish (oh yeah, I’m pulling out the old-fashioned words for my old-fashioned lover) attitude. And his “I know” to Princess Leia’s “I love you” in “Empire Strikes Back” is one of the greatest movie scenes ever. I also wouldn’t object if he’d put on his Indiana Jones hat from time to time.

Captain Von Trapp

It’s no coincidence that my ring tone on my very first cell phone, way back in 1999, was “Edelweiss.” The first time I saw Captain Von Trapp strumming that guitar and singing his lovely ode to a pretty white flower I was hooked. Few men could do what Christopher Plummer did in “Sound of Music” — look terrifying tough one moment and soft, warm and fuzzy the next. And those eyes. Oh those eyes.

In fact, Christopher still has it. When he (finally!) won his Academy Award this year, I shocked the girls at Carolina’s Oscar party by declaring that he was still hot. Somehow, they didn’t see it. How can they not think an 80-something year old is still list-worthy? Ageists.

There you have it — many more details than you ever wanted about my fantasy men. It’s a constantly evolving list and sadly for my husband, who will probably be really annoyed by this point in the post (hi honey!), it’s not a comprehensive list of my favorite celebrity crushes.

I don’t know how Ross ever committed to the laminated card of his Top 5 on “Friends.” Way too much pressure!

Help me change my mind. Who would be on your Top 5? And which Avenger is your favorite?


  1. says

    I love your list! I would share George Clooney and Alexander Skarsgard, but mine would include Bill Clinton (my husband is aware of this weird obsession), Peter Krause and Jack Nicholson (who cares if he’s 75, he’s still Jack!)

    • says

      Oh, I love Peter Krause too! And Bill Clinton deserves a permanent place on many people’s lists. There is definitely something about the power and charisma of that man!

      I love that Jack is on your list! Hooray for joining the senior hot list with me!

  2. says

    There is NO WAY that Jeremy Renner is 5 ’10. He is shorter than Tom Cruise in all of the pictures they are in together – and we all know that Tom is 5’9 with his lifts. I’d say he’s 5’8 on a good day. (which is actually taller than I thought he was)

    That said – I am really drawn to the hot Australianess of Thor – he is definitely more attractive after seeing that movie. I could even accept the long hair! And man I love Mark Ruffalo. Decisions, decisions. I can’t narrow down a top 5. No lamination for me.

    • says

      Yeah, I feel sad for myself that I never thought Chris Hemsworth was that hot before. So much wasted time! I already have plans of renting “Thor” this weekend and when I was IMDBing everyone after “The Avengers” I saw Jeremy Renner has a credit in Thor! Yippee!!!

      You back off my man. If he says he’s 5’10”, I’m taking his word for it. Besides, I don’t care if he’s the same height as me, just as long as he weighs more than me!

    • says

      Seriously — where has Chris Hemsworth been my whole life? How can one family produce such two hot kids as Chris and Liam?!?

      Ryan Gosling almost got honorable mention. He’s another one (like Clooney) that I don’t want to love because everyone else does, but then I just can’t help myself. Between him breaking up fights and saving lives, he’s just the complete package! Hey girl …

  3. says

    Hold the phone! Alexander Skarsgard is going to be Christian Grey?? This is the best thing I’ve heard all day.

    • says

      Seriously! When I saw that last night, I was so excited! I’d heard a few places that R Patz was being considered. And even though I haven’t really gotten very far into 50 Shades yet, I just couldn’t see it. But Alexandar Skarsgard? Perfect! He obviously plays cold well but I loved him even more last season when he’d lost his memory and was so sweet. He’s seriously about the only reason I keep watching that show. It’s just gotten so ridiculous and the trailer for this season doesn’t look much better. I wish I never had to hear Bill say “Sooooookieeee” again!

  4. says

    Holy hell, that picture of RPattz. He’s never getting off my list now. Jeremy Renner is adorbs, but he hasn’t made the list yet. Usually my list is just Robert Downey Jr. and Jensen Ackles and then me right in the middle. What? Though, I would take a splash of Jimmy Fallon. And maybe a pinch of Christian Slater. And now Aaron Paul is starting to do it for me. #BreakingBadForever

    • says

      How good bad is that picture of R Patz? Jeremy Renner has been floating around my awareness lately but the MI movie and Avengers put him smackdab on my list.

      Um, I just had to Google Jensen Ackles. And I thank you for that. Wowza! I see now why you recommended Supernatural to me!

      Robert Downey Jr. is adorable. You should see Avengers just for him. Although then you have to deal with a few obnoxious Gwyneth scenes. At least you can laugh at the hilariously bad outfits they put her in.

      And I love Jesse Pinkman so hard. I’m so scared for his future and it’s been killing me to avoid S4 spoilers!

  5. says

    Oh RPats, you are so freaking gorgeous I can’t stand it!!! He’s obviously one of my top 5 but you already knew that. Also on my list: Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan Gosling, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Adam Levine, Justin Timberlake & Eduardo Verastegui (Hispanic actor. You don’t know who he is? Let me introduce you: http://bit.ly/IundTz) . Okay, so maybe that’s like 7 but even that was tough for me cause I’d love to add Michael Buble, Ian Somerhalder, Liam Hemsworth… So many gorgeous men out there.

    Okay now I’m swooning haha

  6. Chris says

    Narrowing down the Top 5 is the hardest thing ever! My list is also constantly evolving (teenage me had Emilio Estevez on her list?!) but if I had to write it down today, I’d go: James Franco, Jason Schwartzman (I like the quirky dudes), James McAvoy, Robert Downey Jr (he’s been on the list for a looong time) and Jon Hamm.

    I can’t wait to see The Avengers! I will probably love them all equally, superheros are super hot!

  7. says

    Where Caroline find that picture of Bon Jovi? I’m sorry, but it totally makes me giggle. The tan line! A giant beach towel or blanket! LOL!!

    Is it totally unfair that I think Jeremy Renner is too short for me? What can I say? I like ’em tall! Top 5 is hard, too many to think of for me but I’d say Brad Pitt (before Angelina – now he just looks homeless), Chase Crawford, and Chris Pine <— that boy is HOT!

  8. says

    yay to skaarsgaard and chris plummer. although for me, nothing tops harrison ford in temple of doom. standing on the bridge with his shirt open. amazeballs.

    and i would give you shit for the rob pattinson thing but i’m 99% sure that’s a shopped pic of his head onto someone else’s body and that cracked me up pretty hard ;P

    • says

      SHUT YOUR LYING MOUTH! That is too R Patz’s glorious (albeit too skinny and bony) body. His hair alone deserves an honorable mention on anyone’s list!

      And yes, a shirtless Harrison Ford is always a good time. The hat. The whip. The dirt and chin stubble. That man was a one-man sexing machine in the ’70s and ’80s.

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