Before I launch into this tirade, I must state for the record that I thank God every day that I have a daughter. No offense to boys, but I would have been really disappointed if I’d had a son first. Actually, DadJovi would have been even more disappointed because there would have been no talking me out of two (or three, four, etc. However many it took to get there).
I just always knew that I was meant to have a daughter.
Now that I’ve said all that, let me just say — OMG, girls are a disaster. My darling daughter is 5 and already, there are days when I wonder how we’re going to make it through the next 13 years of living under one roof. (of course, then I immediately start to cry when I imagine her heading off to college)
Today is the big day in the life of a young girl — it’s class picture day. E. has been talking about it for weeks. She’s been practicing her smile, demanding I learn to braid (I didn’t) and strategizing her outfit.
Mentally, I’d narrowed the dress option down to three choices. The pictures are pretty casual so I didn’t want her to wear anything too frouffy. And there will always be a series of photos taken in her Pre-K graduation cap and gown (hold me now), so the outfit isn’t THAT important.
We opened the negotiations last night after bathtime because I knew waiting until the morning would be a disaster. After a full-hour of yelling at each other going back and forth, we finally settled on one. It wasn’t easy since E. kept demanding to wear a “dress that ties in the back.” How on Earth did that become a prerequisite??
It’s a lovely pink dress with white, maroon and blue birds that our family friends sent her for her 5th birthday. She’s only worn it one other time (to the ballet) and likes it a lot, even if it doesn’t tie in the back. Point 1 for Mommy.
For reference, here’s the dress at the ballet.
I even talked her out of the braid when I showed her pictures online of other kids in cap-and-gown photos to show how a braid wouldn’t work with the cap (thank you Google).
“Oh, so people would just think I don’t have any hair if it’s pulled back,” E said.
Sure, let’s go with that.
I got E. up earlier than usual today and she didn’t even fight me. We flew through breakfast and I got her dressed, hair brushed, teeth brushed, face washed and looking perfect for her pictures. We’re dog-sitting Toby again this week so I told her that we even had time to take him on a quick walk before school.
“OK, Mommy, I just need to run into my room real quick for something first.”
I got the leash and plastic bags ready and before I could even yell for her, she came bounding out of her room, face smiling from ear to ear and beaming with pride.
And looking like Belle Watling.
She decided she needed one more finishing touch — makeup. She’d dug out of her play makeup that her Gigi got her for Christmas and covered — and I mean covered — her entire face in it. It was beyond pink cheeks. They were practically purple from the heavy application she’d settled on.
And I flipped. Especially when I looked down and noticed that not only was her face covered in makeup, she’d somehow dumped half the contents of her blush compact down the front of her dress and in her attempt to get it off had smeared it all into the white birds.
The dress could not be worn.
Within moments, I was yelling. She was hysterically crying and her cheeks were even redder from my aggressive washing.
I can’t say that it was one of my finer parenting moments. It wasn’t even a good blogger moment — I didn’t think to snap a picture.
Once I got her face scrubbed, I turend to the dress and said it couldn’t be worn. That started World War III over the other two options I’d originally given her for the dress.
She was NOT going to wear either of them.
About this time, DadJovi stepped in and got her to stop crying and me to calm down.
“You can hardly see the blush on the dress,” he tried to assure me.
“YOU’RE COLOR BLIND!” I yelled back.
“Well, that’s true. But does it really matter?”
How do dads do that? They can just cut to the chase. He was right; it didn’t matter, especially since we’d made no headway on the alternate dress front.
I gave the dress the best scrub I could, and even briefly tried to have her wear it backwards. Finally I figured screw it, we’ll just get the cap and gown photos if they’re good, and I sent her off with her dad.
Of course, by this point, I was nearly 30 minutes late to work.
Later, after he’d dropped her off at school, I called DadJovi to see how she was after they left the house. He assured me so was fine and went into school happy.
“She’s just so frustrating. Why must she be so stubborn?” I whined to him.
I swear I heard him laughing, but I kept going.
“And must she argue about everything? She’s such a contrarian. She just argues for the sake of arguing.”
This time, his laughs were clearly evident.
“What?” I demanded.
“Oh, nothing. I’m just wondering when you’re going to call your mother to apologize. You realize you’re raising a child exactly like you, right?”
Ugh, he’s right. She is me. Dear Mom- I AM SO SORRY! But the good news for you is you’re getting the last laugh now. Just sit back and enjoy the show!
Please tell me some of you saw this as an episode of a reality show that I’m unaware I’m starring in. If it was for entertainment purposes, that would make the whole incident easier to swallow. I hope when E. and I hugged it out before she left that some poignant music played and we even got the live studio audience slow clap to fast clap.
That would make me feel better about one of my less-than-shining moments.
And next time, I promise to take pictures.
Make me feel better. Who else’s kids either pulled something similar on class picture day or habitually makes them late for work too?
Mine is obsessed with bracelets. Every. single. day. we have a never-ending negotiation to decide how many bracelets are appropriate to wear. And some days she also insists on wearing a crown, a watch and a necklace to school, too. I keep saying that I don’t know where she gets it. But…I kinda know where she gets it 🙂
God bless preschool teachers, is all I can say. I just can’t imagine wrangling so many little but strong personalities all day long.
As I always say with E., SOMEDAY her strong personality will suit her well. But not now. Now, it just exists to make her momma loco!
Well, I have no children, but I was a 5 year old who wouldn’t get dressed because her underwear had elastic in it. My little sister refused to brush her hair from 2nd to 4th grade. Maybe girls are just like this? I swear, we’re both normal . . . I think.
Bwhahahaha! The underwear thing is HYSTERICAL! Oh, your poor mother. What did you wear? How else would underwear stand up? I’m not obsessed with her solution. Too funny.
I fear E. may be like your sister. It’s a battle every day to brush her hair. Most nights now I braid it before bed because at least that keeps the knots out. I fear a Hermione style hot mess coming on in a couple years though.
Too funny. Thanks for the comment.
Oh, I still wore underwear, I just threw a fit about it. Daily. And it wasn’t even my mom that had to deal with me–it was my poor (new!) stepfather. That man is a saint!
My sister used to say about her hair, “It’s not the most important thing!” She was like a mini-feminist. She also wore the most ridiculous ensembles. Mom called her, “My little Polish rainbow.” 🙂
Oh yes, the crazy has already started in our household as well. L doesn’t seem TOO particular about her outfits right now – but she fanatical about her socks and shoes, so I’m sure the clothes are coming. Her hair is our biggest fight and I remember it being the same with my mom. I’m just waiting for her to cut her bangs! We also have “new baby envy” that has already started and I know is only going to intensify. Yay!
With B, it’s all about the attitude. He’s already cool, man. He yells like a teenager and rolls his eyes. I miss my sweet boy 🙁
As for the pictures – just think about how you can embarrass her at her wedding! We have some good times ahead of us.
The prospect of embarrassing her in the future is the one thing that makes me WANT bad pictures of her! Ha!
And the eye rolling already? I’m getting it too. So not cool.
If my own attitude as a child is any indication, I’m so screwed.
My middle daughter gave me a hard time about what to wear to preschool and always wanted to change her outfit 3 times (on a good day) even if we laid it out the night before. I’m really happy that both my older two have to wear uniforms to school. And I hope, by having been through it before I’ll be able to handle the youngest one better when she starts pre k in the fall! 🙂
Yeah, the laying out the clothes the night before trick has never worked with us either. Day to day, I, for the most part, just let her pick what she wants to wear. It’s never worth the battle. Sometimes if she picks a totally inappropriate outfit (either weather-wise or too dressy), I’ll intervene, but thankfully, for the most part we’ve gotten into a rhythm. It’s the picking special occasion outfits that always causes the drama!
Her school introduced uniforms this year and we snapped two of them up, but since they’re not mandatory, most kids don’t wear them most days. She got over them really quick. Hoping for uniforms next year in kindergarten. It all depends where we end up.
Good luck with your next one! I’m sure you’re a pro by now.
This brought back such memories (distant as they may be) of my own disastrous picture days…including the year I let a friend fluff and divide my bangs and put a hair clip in them…that photo has haunted me since…
I have an equally horrifying school picture. Mine was in 4th grade and I had just the top part of my hair pulled back in a barrette. Somehow, the front part (just behind the bangs) bubbled and there is there strange extra high section of hair. It was a disaster. I think I’ve managed to destroy most copies of that picture but if I ever find it, perhaps I’ll share it now!
LOL…I cannot help you here. My boychild doesn’t even tell me when it’s picture day. IF I discover it ahead of time (and remember) he pitches a stink if I dare suggest he wear a {gasp} collared shirt instead of a T, and he NEVER remembers to brush his shaggy hair. And pics are usually taken after recess/PE.
Needless to say, we don’t buy the big school pic packets around here.
Good luck to you.
Ugh, why can’t they figure out a way to do it BEFORE PE? So annoying. I have vivid memories though of being a kid and stressing through recess worrying about my school picture day outfit and hair. Man, being a boy is so much easier.
I suppose bad school pictures are just par for the course in childhood and make for more interesting memories.
haha, what a morning! at least you made it out alive 🙂 when i was in 2nd grade i would wear nothing but osk kosh b’gosh (sp?) overalls. i had like 7 pairs. it was also around that time that i hated having my hair brushed. my mom gave up but my neighbor (there were a bunch of close families on our blocks, the ohter moms were like second ones to me) would pull me aside and brush it, it drove her crazy lol! my sis went through a phase where she hated the color black and would not wear anything with even a hint in it. this lasted until the day she decided she LOVED black and went for a year wearing only black! kids are nuts.
OMG JACKIE! I seriously laughed when I read this. Belly laughs. For real. Especially when I got to the “colorblind” comment. A-ma-zing. This is the kind of blog you will look back on and cherish.
I remember when i was in 5th grade I had my fancy schmancy hot pink and white lace overalls and hot pink top all ready to go. I got my mom to put my hair up in twin braids pinned up on top of my head (I saw it in a magazine) and we put little flowers in it. I felt sooo good going to school.
Then I got there and all the kids teased me and called me Heidi. On top of that, we were the last class of the day to get our pictures taken (AFTER P.E., HELLOOOO) so my hair was all frizzy and breaking out of the braids. The pictures were a MESS. School pictures, in the end, are awful and some of my least favorite pictures to look back on over the years.
I don’t know what my reaction would have been if I’d been in your place. I can only speculate and to what I would LIKE to say my reaction would be when she marched out covered in make-up. “Ok kid, you go ahead and rock that look.” And drop her off at day care with a quick eye roll at the teacher to acknowledge that that shit was out of my hands. Then let her see those pictures and live with them forever. YOU will always be able to laugh at them but for a long time all she will be able to be is MORTIFIED. Maybe?