During one of my recent cleaning sprees, I came across a true treasure. These …
I’ve read them about 17 times and I keep laughing so hard it hurts. These are lists of nicknames that my best friend and I made during college. We had the most random nicknames for everyone who crossed our path.
Some of my forgotten favorites include:
- Jean Jacket Jenny — yup, she made the fatal mistake of wearing a jean jacket EVERYWHERE the first two weeks of college. It stuck all 4 years
- Tainted — he was a HOT guy who we loved who hooked up with a not-so-hot girl one night, thereby tainting him to us
- Seafoam Green — this was a guy I went on one date with freshman year. For the life of me, I can’t remember his name but I DO remember his seafoam green Ford Explorer
- The Navigator — he wore one of those leather jackets with a map on the silk lining to a party once, and well, the name was a stroke of genius by Miss
- Lisa Who Hates to Say Hi — the name seems pretty self-explanatory
- Chad Who Hates Me — again, another descriptive nickname
Lest you think we were these girls
… you should know that these were names just between us. Sure it was a little Slam Bookish of us, but for the most part, we were more making fun of ourselves rather than other people.
And, by the way, how amazing is it that for some reason, we made a list on one of our roommate’s check reorder forms? That fact alone made me laugh for a good 5 minutes.
This is how we passed the time in boring classes or while we suffered through — God forbid — COMMERCIALS! You see what’s written at the top of the paper on the left? 90210. Clearly that was a reminder for one of us to tape it that night on our VCRs. Man, we’re old.
But we loved something even more than nicknames. We spent hours and hours making Things That Suck lists. It helped us survive the fact that we were chronically broke, freezing our asses off in Syracuse and picked every wrong guy that we happened to spot on campus.
Here are some of my favorites from that list:
- When the guy at the photo place laughs at your picture — and then shows it to the other worker. (This was when we got our passport photos taken before going abroad for the semester and they were not good … which explains the next item)
- Knowing your passport photo is bad and having to deal with the knowledge that it’s valid for 10 years.
- When you are hung over, have a bulging zit, wearing your glasses and you see the most eligible bachelor on campus (another nickname).
Wouldn’t it be nice if those were still our biggest problems?
So in honor of a tradition that brought me so much joy, I’m bringing back the Things That Suck List. Oh, it’s going to be a weekly thing. Brace yourselves. I know, I know. Oprah would tell me that instead I should be making lists of things that are awesome. Well, I’m not that kind of a person. I’m sarcastic and I like to whine. It makes me feel much better than any gratitude list ever could.
I’ll get us started but feel free to add your own items to the official MomJovi Things That Suck List (™ — OK, fine maybe not. But maybe someday I will).
- Having a pretty good idea and no idea how to trademark it.
- Living in a state that makes you feel like you’re living in a sauna … for four months.
- The smell of brush fires in the morning. As if I needed another excuse not to run.
- The Casey Anthony trial preempting General Hospital every day and my DVR not being smart enough to find it on another channel. And I keep forgetting to manually record it.
- General Hospital
- Replacing my General Hospital viewing addiction with a Casey Anthony trial viewing addiction. Aren’t I too smart for this?
- Spending hours cleaning for the cleaning lady.
- Cleaning the areas the cleaning lady missed.
- Not being rich enough to have a permanent driver. Limiting my wine intake makes book club way less fun.
- When your toddler wipes her blue Toy Story toothpaste all over your white shirt as you’re about to walk out the door for work.
OK, I think 10 is a pretty good starting place.
Tell me — what makes your list of Things That Suck?
People who sprinkle the sidewalks and bike lanes with their lawn sprinklers during high-traffic times. How much can I bitch about this??? Also, people who put their trash cans in the bike lanes on trash day. People who honk their horns at bikers who are following traffic laws! Can you tell I rode my bike today? haha
Mother in Laws who think they have the right to do anything and say anything they want. Running out of dishwasher soap when the dishwasher is full. Dog sitting dogs that are “potty trained”, really people tell me the truth it’s not like I wont figure it out!
What a great weekly list. I love that you not only had the names but that you documented them that is too funny!
My best friend and I made an entire notebook full of sayings that we used all the time that came from various movies and shows. I clearly remember a Muscular Dystrophy telethon (that we watched because NKOTB was on) where Ben Verene (the host) told NKOTB “pump it up homeboys just like that!” It was such a lame saying coming from an old man, that we ended up saying that to each other every time we wanted to encourage one another.
Which brings me to things that suck: 13year old girls actually knowing who Ben Verene is.
My husband just call me from work to tell me his favorite new phrase — “pump it up homeboys just like that.” Seriously, I laughed hysterically when I read your comment.
So much about it is so amazing and sounds oh-so-familiar! It reminds me of the time NKOTB was on Tin Pan Alley with Mario Cantone (of future Sex and the City fame — it was a regional show in NYC area) and they kept popping their heads out from behind a curtain. I mean, it was no Ben Verene (amazaballs reference btw. Didn’t he play Webster’s uncle for awhile, too?), but it was pretty awesomely lame, too.
Remembering those old sayings that you used to beat into the ground are such a fun blast into the past! Maybe that’s a whole other feature — share your favorite sayings of all time. I’ve got a 1,000 I still sprinkle into everyday conversation.
I think we need to bring these phrases BACK. You and I can do this. And we can start with “pump it up homeboys just like that” since your hubs is already on the bandwagon for that one. I feel a really good time to bust that one out will be right after you order your food at a restaurant.
Awesome about the nicknames. The large group of guys in our dorm had nicknames for everyone that we frequently saw in or around the dorm and at the student cafeteria.
Things that suck:
– Typing too fast that you keep screwing up the spelling of the word cafter…no…cafetria….shit….cafeteria!
– Trying to cut grapes with a plastic fork during Doughnuts with Dad because the school doesn’t provide knives.
– Sitting in a chair that is 12 inches from the ground while trying to cut grapes with a fork.
– Not having an adult beverage for a month!
– Going out for guys night for the first time since starting to eat healthy and not go overboard.
– Getting accidentally kicked in the crotch by your son while pushing the grocery cart.
– Sharing an office with loudest eater/drinker ever! *close that effing pie hole while you chew Mr Ed!*
– Sharing an office with the loudest yogurt eater! *Keep scraping…gotta get every last effing ounce of that yogurt!!*
That’s all for now…but I’ll be back or save them for next week, if I come up with more.
Haha, this one brought back memories – I had a girlfriend in college who I would also make up names with. Two that I remember were “hot orgasm guy” (not from any hand-on knowledge, he just looked so hot that it seemed an O was imminent just being around him, lol) and “short guy with tall guy’s head”. As with yours, we never shared them past ourselves, trying to fight the mean girls inside us and just make ourselves laugh.
Things that suck: *finally* being in the mood for Xmas (I like to celebrate for 1-2 weeks before, more than that is too much for me) but being sick of the music already since it has been on since Halloween, loving the town that we are living in but not digging the actual house we are renting (a summer cottage just isn’t meant for winter living).
And iJason, I almost choked on my spoon b/c as I was reading your post, I was seriously scraping the bejesus out of the bottom of my yogurt cup, lol. But it’s mango guanabana, it’s sooo good! I must have every last bite!