I thought I was years away from this situation. I thought wrong.

When I arrived at school to pick up E. today, her assistant teacher told me she needed to talk to me. Here’s how the conversation went:

Teacher: “I had to have a talk with E. today about kissing.”

Me: “Kissing?”

Teacher: “Yes, kissing. She and Thomas kept kissing each other today. They were playing Mommy. I told them that that’s how we spread germs. And that you should only kiss your mommies and daddies, not your friends.”

Me: “OK. But they were really kissing?”

Teacher: “Yes, and laying on each other’s laps, and rubbing the tops of their heads. But they weren’t in trouble. We just had to explain to them that they needed to stop kissing each other.”

At about this point, my brain started to implode. I knew Thomas was her new BFF. I’d heard reports that she’d dumped her former frienemy Max in favor of the new guy. The theory the teachers floated to me is that she and Max were too similar — they fight over EVERYTHING and neither gives an inch. With Thomas, he’s more easygoing and willing to go along with whatever E. tells him. Oh boy, she’s more like me than I thought.

So we get into the car and I tried to press her about Kissinggate. She clammed up worse than a teenager caught sneaking in past curfew, but I was able to glean a couple more tidbits out of her.

Me: “So you were playing Mommy with Thomas today? Were you the Mommy and he was the baby?”

E: “No, I was the Mommy and he was the Daddy. Baby Sam was the baby.”

Crap. I thought the kisses were more in line with the kisses I give her. Apparently, she’s been observing me and DadJovi instead. I mean, I guess if they were playing Mommy and Daddy and modeling it on us, it’s better that they were affectionate rather than yelling or being smart-asses, right?

Me: “Well, were you kissing each other on the cheeks or on the mouth?”

E.: “I don’t want to talk about it Mommy” (as she covered her eyes with her hands)

DadJovi thinks the whole think is hilarious, although he later started to worry about her reputation. Will the 4-year-olds suddenly take notice of the, um, forward 3-year-old?

The teachers were really nice about it and stressed to me that it’s normal but that they just thought I should know. Is this normal? Is this way too early to be smooching? Does this mean I’m doomed to years and years of hormones? I mean, kissing kids are cute right?

Or am I just totally effed?